I
COB RTC David Miscavige was in a state of rage and anger as he read the Knowledge Report on the filthy conditions at the Complex.
This group of buildings in Hollywood is often colloquially referred to as “Big Blue” but that is not the point nor should it be.
The real point here is that Complex is the embodiment of Scientology in Sodom and Gomorrah, that wasteland of excess and pornography that is Hollywood.
As he read the KR in his hands, COB realized that the Complex was filthy and that no one there was wearing the janitor hat. This particular sentence in the KR leapt out to COB:
COB slammed his fist down on his big desk at in the Author Services International building just up the road from the Complex. He immediately ordered his entourage to assemble and go with him on a surprise inspection of the Complex.
COB was going to slam in Ethics on the entire Complex!
Faces would be ripped.
The guilty would be RPF’d.
Donations of cash for sec checks would be extracted from all publics who happened to be present as every one of them had obviously went PTS to the filthy restrooms, this as proven by the fact that they were not flushing!
These lazy publics did not look, did not evaluate the existing scene for themselves, but had rather dubbed in that “all toilets and urinals have sensors so I don’t have to flush and can therefore ignore my my meat body excreta and go right back into session.”
After COB had spent millions and millions of dollars on renos for the Complex, Scientologists could not even be bothered to flush the toilets.
They might as well have slapped COB right in the face!
II
COB’s motorcade pulled up unannounced into the horseshoe at the Complex.
COB’s Sea Org Swiss Guards — a remnant from his days as the “Almost Pope” of the Catholic Church — stood at attention in their Sea Org security vehicles. COB wordsmith Danny Sherman was also present in his gaily colored yellow Cadillac convertible as part of COB’s motorcade. The entire scene bespoke the ecclesiastical grandeur of COB RTC David Miscavige:
III
COB had come to the Complex to do a surprise inspection and personally look into this matter of dirty restrooms.
COB would get to the bottom of it.
As Mr. Miscavige walked into a small man’s restroom with his entourage of thirty Sea Org members and a few wog lawyers, one and all were assaulted by the vile stench of suppressive urine that had pooled in an unsensored urinal.
COB was aghast and began screaming and flailing as if to hit someone, anyone. He turned to leave, but his entourage had too quickly rushed in behind him to see what COB was screaming about.
The small dirty man’s restroom was filled with squirming bodies packed in too tightly. There was a commotion and shoving.
Profanity-laden screaming and fistfights broke out as pandemonium ensued!
Someone yelled “HCO Bring Order!” into the hallway and into a walkie-talkie. Instantly all hands, dozens and dozens of people, rushed into the small dirty man’s restroom to bring order.
The fighting and general enturbulation went on for at least fifteen minutes as people were screaming that the Psychs were raiding, or had raided, the Complex.
After many beatings, recriminations, and engrams order was restored.
However, COB had disappeared!
(To be Continued)
Categories: OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 
This is not surprising. After all, the founder never brushed his teeth.
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Yes and the Founder failed to do many other things in his later years because he was in retirement writing his epic science fiction Decalogue.
Wisely, however, the Founder had entrusted his affairs to David Miscavige, whereupon Mr. Miscavige singlehandedly saved the Church of Scientology from complete and utter ruin.
To COB all good Scientologists jump to their feet in applause and unanimously shriek, “Thank you Sir!”
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Scientologists on five continents engage in collaborative efforts with government agencies and nongovernmental organizations to bring about broad-scale awareness and implementation of the 1948 United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights, the world’s premier human rights document.
The Church of Scientology published Scientology: How We Help—United for Human Rights: Making Human Rights a Global Reality, to meet requests for more information about the human rights education and awareness initiative the Church supports. To learn more, visit http://www.Scientology.org/humanrights.
Scientology Founder L. Ron Hubbard wrote, “Human rights must be made a fact, not an idealistic dream,” and the Scientology religion is based on the principles of human rights. The Code of a Scientologist calls on all members of the religion to dedicate themselves “to support true humanitarian endeavors in the fields of human rights.”
Karin Pouw
Church of Scientology International
(323) 960-3500
MediaRelations(at)ChurchofScientology(dot)net
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“COB would get the bottom of it.” that’s the worst double entendre I’ve ever heard.
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Where was Fleet Admiral Tom Cruise when this was occurring? Dereliction of duty (doody)?
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Groan! And we in RTC stand accused of horrible double entendres!
We in RTC certainly hope that all of this does not degrade into a farce or a travesty given the fact that the fate of the Planet hangs in the balance!
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I am sure that the Celebrity Center TC visits, as well as COB’s mansion, are clean, well-tiled, spotless and free of cockroaches.
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In the motorcade photo, I particularly like how they have converted the Volkswagen “Thing”s into low-riders to make His Imperial Grandiosity, COB, look taller. The busby hat doesn’t hurt in that regard either.
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Yes, such details are very important to COB. For example, a proper coiffure will give Fleet Admiral David Miscavige at least a two inch boost:
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COB, these orgs and men’s room seem to resemble the RPF,
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I had hoped the motorcade would turn into a Shriners parade. You know, the clowns driving around, back and forth in their little cars. I like the Shriners, they raise money for childrens hospitals that don’t charge them any money. And they aren’t very scary, for clowns that is. Why doesn’t Grand Fleet Admiral Miscavage wear his face paint??? He has the clown suit???
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NO ZEMOO NO!
COB’s motorcade is not a Shriner’s parade nor is COB clownish in any way. Indeed, COB’s stage sets speak for themselves in this regard:
Image credit: daverator
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Is there also a Cruiserator?
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Oh no! David has disappeared? That’s odd. Well, I’m sure that he’s fine wherever he is, and when he wants to be found he’ll let you in the RTC know. A little Roman holiday never hurt anyone.
I would suggest that in the future, a private VIP restroom be included in all org buildings, VM tents, and cult-owned watercraft and aircraft. David shouldn’t ever have to “cross streams” with common members! The poor darling must have been traumatized, stuck with all those people in that awful urine-stained hole.
I’m not sure, but I think something happened to David in a men’s room, long ago. He mumbled something about an airport bathroom, the smell of urine, and cheap mass-produced loafers. I told him to get auditing on it, but he said that was for suckers. Then he drank all my Laphraoig, griped because it was only the 12-year-old stuff, and passed out. He wastes a lot of good scotch whisky, that David. Poor, lonely, tiresome thing…
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CV, Davey could be on the high seas, a la LRH, or on some uninhabited island in the South Atlantic (google “Gough Island” or “Tristan da Cunha”). He always liked looking at penguins.
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On the positive side, no where in the Knowledge Reports does it mention defective vending machines in the restrooms. There’ll always be a positive cash flow and theta French Ticklers at hand. That’s got to account for something.
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Hi KP. Sam and Placi send their love. Back in 2008 you thought all the masks and that ” Expect us” stuff was just a big joke paid for by the evil psychs right ? How do you like us now ?
Give me a call sometime. We can do lunch and discuss it over a couple joints 🙂 Kisses.
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OTVIII, you’ve outdone yourself… ” one and all were assaulted by the vile stench of suppressive urine”. Such an amazing display of OT word craft provided a large helping of TA, but also effectively enturbulated my olfactory senses to the point that I may need to schedule a rundown at Flag. Could you direct me to the proper one?
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whostolemycog, the “L18 Vile Stench Rundown” is a Flag only rundown guaranteed to handle vile stenches on the wholetrack.
A recent L18 Vile Stench Rundown completion wrote:
“I have had many personal successes with the L18 Vile Stench Rundown. My ability to let vile stenches be, without the need to interfere and unnecessarily interrupt or control them, came way up. This was a big win, in the work environment particularly. Also, I found new vile stenches in life, often disconcerting in the past, became something I just took in stride. All in all, my ability to confront and handle vile stenches in day-to-day interrelationships increased dramatically and I find myself calmer and enjoying life much, much more. I am no longer grossed out by the filthy restrooms in the understaffed Ideal Orgs.”
K.D.
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